


Something's Wrong  (With Everyone)

by QueenxOfxCrazy



Category: Infinite (Band), Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Bullying, Cutting, Depression, Family deaths, For all of this, Healthy smut, I AM SORRY, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Literally all of them have sadness, M/M, Mental Illnesses, Mentions of molestation in one of their backstories, Not really but yes really, SO SORRY, Saaaadness, Sad Backstories, Sadness, Save Sungyeol, Save These Children, Save them all, Self-Harm, Smut Near the End, Suicidal Sunggyu, Sungyeol has a sad past, This pure child deserves happiness, cute smut, everyone is insane, happy smut, kill me, suicidal, triggering content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 02:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12245580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenxOfxCrazy/pseuds/QueenxOfxCrazy
Summary: A school full of lonely, messed up people.Each with their own heartbreaking pasts.They suffer daily struggles to live.Sunggyu is ready for the world to end, heck he's longing for it to end, at least for him.That is until someone comes crashing into his life, throwing everything into chaos.Nam Woohyun.





	1. I'm alone because I want to be

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to apologise first up. This book is heavily triggering and I'm so so sorry if any of this upsets you.
> 
> The first 5 chapters are relatively short, about 500 and then after that chapters will all hopefully be over 1000 words.
> 
> Thankyou so much for ready and prepare yourselves, enjoy <3

Sunggyu is a loner.

He's the strange kid that means social suicide if you talk to him. Why?

He is suicidal.

Everyone knows.

No one cares.

His only friend is himself. Well that's not entirely true. Enter Lee Sungyeol, the most popular boy in the school and although Sunggyu will never admit it, his best friend.

Sungyeol knows more about Sunggyu than he feels comfortable with and their friendship is kept hidden due to Sunggyu's request. Sunggyu doesn't want Sungyeol to suffer the same fate as him.

 

To be a reject.

The bullying is something Sunggyu has learnt to deal with, the stares, the name calling, they mean nothing to him anymore. He feels nothing and if people hurt him enough to make him feel something than isn't that good? 

But nothing compares to the pain he gives himself, the scars he has embedded in his skin, freshly carving a bloody pattern into his arms, his legs, his stomach, the numbing pain that makes him shake. The blood that drips from the open wounds god it drives him insane.

He'll never stop, people sometimes try to stop him, he'll stop for a few days, people hide things that he can hurt himself with, he'll get more. He'll hurt himself more than anyone can. Even Dongwoo, his adoptive father can't help him. He tries, he hides all sharp objects, searches Sunggyu's room everyday to make sure he doesn't have anything he can hurt himself with. But Sunggyu will steal money, buy more.

It's an endless cycle.

 

Right now it's the second week of Sunggyu's third year and as he walks to school with Dongwoo, his eyes scan the roads, a small smile finds his lips and his legs move quicker than Dongwoo can react.

Sunggyu steps in front of an oncoming car, the horn blares loudly and the car swerves nearly missing a ute beside it.

Dongwoo grabs Sunggyu's arm and drags him off the road, "SUNGGYU WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT DOING THAT?!" Sunggyu rolls his eyes and shoves Dongwoo's hand away. "It didnt hit me, calm down." He mutters before walking away.

This is a daily occurrence, he doesn't even need a reason most of the time, nothing sets him off, he just wants to die.

 

It's not like he has the perfect life, things have gone wrong on multiple occasions and nothing seems to fix him anymore.

He's broken.

And he's okay with that.

When they reach the school gates Dongwoo wearily wraps his arms around Sunggyu, "Just, just stay safe, remember that I love you."

Times like this Sunggyu feels bad, but the constant want for everything to just end, is stronger than that guilt. He nods, awkwardly patting Dongwoo's back before waving goodbye as he enters school grounds.

He can almost hear the opening to some teen reality show playing. Everyone at this goddamn school is so naive, so self centred. It's like there's something wrong with everyone.


	2. I don't pay attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunggyu being Sunggyu and Sungyeol being extremely clingy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo thankyou for enduring the first chapter, here is chapter two 
> 
> Enjoy <3

His head is so full of thoughts that as he walks he doesn't even hear the nasty comments, several kids bump into him rougly, walking away with a snicker.

It's not until Sungyeol comes running up behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around his back that he snaps back into reality, "HYUNG!" It's been 2 days since they last saw eachother and it seems Sungyeol just keeps getting clingier and clingier.

Kids around them whisper and Sunggyu can feel his throat tightening, "Sungyeol, what have I said about talking-"

"To me in public. Yeah yeah I know, can't I just say hi?" Sungyeol waves off Sunggyu's obvious hatred to public affection and continues to hug his side as they walk together.

"So how was your weekend?" Sungyeol chirps, Sunggyu has no clue how Sungyeol is this energetic so early but answers nonetheless. "Fine. I was in hospital Saturday so sorry for not texting you back."

Sungyeol nods, "Hyung stop hurting yourself."

 

"No."

This conversation happens so often that Sungyeol is close to giving up. Sunggyu feels bad for crushing his juniors spirit and offers him a small smile. "Let's go to our lockers and," he gulps at looks up into Sungyeol's hopeful eyes, "I'll walk around with you before the bell goes."

The joy is immediate on Sungyeol's face and he nods eagerly, "YES!" Sunggyu cringes at his needlessly loud words and nods slightly. Not being able to stand being still in the hallway Sunggyu tugs Sungyeol along.

"Come on or we won't have much time idiot."

 

Their differences in social status are so obvious as they make their way to the lockers, the compliments and needless conversations Sungyeol gets and has compared to the disgusted stares and insults Sunggyu gets makes it quite obvious.

Sungyeol attempts to defend Sunggyu at every insult but Sunggyu just cuts him off before they finally get to Sunggyu's locker.

He dumps his school bag in his locker and tries to ignore Sungyeol slumped against the door, complaining every 2 seconds about how long he's taking despite being there less than a minute.

Sunggyu slams his locker door shut and Sungyeol jumps, "Gyuuuu-hyung you scared meee." He whines childishly, pushing Sunggyu's shoulder with a pout.

Sunggyu gives him a dirty look before sighing, "Come on then, lead the way."

Sungyeol begins to fill Sunggyu in on all the gossip, and Sunggyu can only piece certain parts together due to the ridiculous speed Sungyeol is talking at.

 

They're sitting on a bench under a tree away from the rest of the student population and Sunggyu just sighs, "Yeol, to be honest I'm not really paying attentio-"

Sungyeol cuts him off, "And you know Jiyoon? Apparently he has a girlfriend from get this. Paradise University. It's just a rumour but I think-" Sunggyu has really stopped listening by this point.

After about 10 minutes of a one sided conversation the bell rings through the air and Sunggyu stands to his feet, reaching his arms up and stretching, "Come on Yeol, we don't want to be late."

A flash on recognition passes Sungyeol's face and he rushes to his feet, "Sunggyu I almost forgot, we have a new student."


	3. New faces give me headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sungyeol knows everything about everyone
> 
> That's why his hair is so big
> 
> It's full of secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just before people point it out, yes I know Sunggyu is taller then Woohyun. In this I just wanted Woohyun to be taller because I'm strange.
> 
> Unedited so please excuse my horrible grammar and spelling
> 
> Anyways enjoy <3

Somethings wrong (with everyone) 

Chapter 3- New faces give me headaches

Sunggyu recalls Sungyeol's quick rundown of the supposed 'New student' while he sits waiting for the teacher in homegroup.

 

*

"His name is Nam Woohyun, he's around my height, maybe a smidge shorter but he's well taller than you, and Sunggyu, he's hot, like, so hot." Sunggyu could only blink slowly as he stared at Sungyeol.

"How do you find these things out?" He asked with a perplexed look, Sungyeol gives Sunggyu an evil grin and puts a finger to his lips, "It's a secret." Before running off into the hoard of smelly teenagers leaving a confused Sunggyu standing there awkwardly.

*

 

Sunggyu rolls his eyes at the memory and impatiently taps his fingers on his desk, Why is the teacher taking so long? They're almost 5 minutes late.

As if on cue the door swings open and their teacher walks in, the students rise to their feet, bow, saying a greeting in unison before sitting back down.

"Today we have a new student in our homegroup." Sunggyu's heart drops, the new student just has to be in his class.

The teacher grins and waves at the door, "Woohyun come in and introduce yourself."

If his anxiety levels weren't already high they just went off the scale, Sunggyu has to dig his nails into his forearm to ease the worry in the pit of his stomach.

New people scare him.

And new faces give him headaches.

When Woohyun walks into the room a breath catches in Sunggyu's throat and he gulps, 'Sungyeol was right, he is hot- KIM SUNGGYU NO! YOU ARE NOT HAVING THOSE THOUGHTS.' He digs his nails in harder to keep the neutral expression on his face.

"Hello, my name is Nam Woohyun nice to meet you all." He greets then all with a small smile before bowing politely looking back up at the teacher for guidance.

"Oh, there's an empty seat next to Sunggyu, Sunggyu please wave." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Sunggyu slowly lifts his hand, turning his head away as Woohyun walks over. 

The class erupts with whispers about Woohyun before the teacher claps loudly, "Shush, you've had you're social time. Now listen."

Woohyun scooches his desk closer to Sunggyu's and gives him a big smile, "So you're Sunggyu? I'm Woohyun- oh you already knew that, sorry." He laughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck.

Sunggyu gives him a blank stare and Woohyun rests his chin on a hand propped up by his elbow, "You don't talk much, do you?"

Sunggyu tries not to but a small laugh leaves his lips which he covers up with a cough, "New faces give me headaches, don't take it to heart." Woohyun's face stretches into a grin and Sunggyu's heart stammers.

"I like you, you seem interesting." Sunggyu rolls his eyes and ignores him for almost the rest of homegroup only answering in a few words when Woohyun starts to interrogate him.

"So how old are you?"

"17 almost 18."

"You're you're older than me... so you're a third year?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Sunggyu shakes his head and mumbles a small, "No." and Woohyun raises an eyebrow, "Boyfriend then?"

Sunggyu's cheeks turn red, "No I don't." And before Woohyun can ask anymore questions the bell goes and Sunggyu shoots up out of his seat but of course Woohyun is close behind him.

"What class do you have now?" He asks after grabbing Sunggyu's arm. He doesn't notice Sunggyu cringing in pain and just tilts his head to the side.

Sunggyu bites his lip before replying, "I have physics."

Woohyun's face lights up and he sets Sunggyu's arm go, rearranging the things in his arms, "Me too! We can walk together!"

Fuck.


	4. He's different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all becomes too much and Sunggyu retreats leaving the two social butterflies (Sungyeol and Woohyun) to become friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry, I know this sucks so far but I promise it will get better (hopefully)
> 
> Please enjoy and don't lose faith in me <3

Sunggyu tries to ignore the stares as they walk, Woohyun excitedly asking more questions beknowing to the judgmental looks he's recieving.

Sunggyu's already tried to get him to leave, telling him how unpopular he'll be if he keeps talking to him, Woohyun didn't care and just smiled, walked closer by Sunggyu's side and talked louder.

"So when's your birthday Hyung?" He asks, Sunggyu bites his tongue to stop mean comments like 'Does it matter?' Or 'Just shut the fuck up!' before replying, with, "April 28th."

Woohyun answers his own question after realising Sunggyu wasn't going to ask, "Mine is the 8th of Febuary but I started a year older so I'm only 17." Sunggyu nods not saying anything.

"Um I'm not trying to be rude, but do you not like me?" Woohyun asks with eyebrows knitted together in worry. Sunggyu shakes his head, "No it's not that, I'm sorry I'm just bad at talking to people, it's not you." Woohyun looks relieved.

"You seem fine to me."

'Oh god if only you knew.' Sunggyu thinks to himself. As they walk Sunggyu lags behind and although he tells Woohyun to go on he insists he wait for Sunggyu because, "You're my hyung I have to help you." And in the end he's not sure if he should be happy or offended.

They make a bit more small talk, mainly about their interests like, Sunggyu learns Woohyun plays soccor.

And Woohyun learns Sunggyu has the hobby of, "Trying to kill myself multiple times on a daily basis." Woohyun thinks Sunggyu is joking.

If only he were.

They turn a corner and Sunggyu sighs, more than relieved when they finally reach the classroom door.

"We're here." Sunggyu likes this class, mainly because Sungyeol is in there with him but now that there is a third party he can already feel himself being replaced.

They open the door and everyone looks, they're not even late but the teacher is already in there.

Sungyeol's eyes widen in surprise but he waves Sunggyu and Woohyun over.

"Hi! I'm Sungyeol, you must be Woohyun, I'm Sunggyu's best friend!" Sungyeol sticks his hand out with a big smile and Woohyun grins back, shaking his hand enthusiastically.

"Gyu when did you befriend the new kid?" Sungyeol questions, Sunggyu shrugs, "One, I didn't befriend him, and two, he's in my homeroom." Sungyeol nods slowly in understanding.

Sunggyu is usually a good student and does try in his classes, but today has been stressful for him and even though first period only just started, he's done.

"Teacher I'm going home." He announces, giving a now pouting Sungyeol a small smile and a confused Woohyun a slightly bigger smile as he walks out the door.

The professor nods, "See you tomorrow then."

And so he leaves, no one seems bothered, but Woohyun is more than confused, "Huh? They just let him leave?!"

Sungyeol smiles, "Um, he's a unique case, I'll explain it first break."


	5. If this is normal, I don't want to know what isn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter makes me cringe because it's sort of a lot of stuff just splurged together and I'll hopefully edit this chapter in the future when I have time.
> 
> Also this is unedited like practically everything I write so prepare for horrific grammar and spelling.
> 
> Enjoy <3

After a pretty uneventful physics class (Sungyeol and Woohyun spent most of the time talking) Sungyeol and Woohyun walk to the cafeteria together.

"So are you going to tell me about Sunggyu-hyung?" Woohyun asks, Sungyeol can't help but snicker, "God you're so polite, you use honorifics alllll the timmmme." Sungyeol drawls out with smirk.

Woohyun rolls his eyes, "You're my junior you know, you should be respectful." He huffs before they both burst out laughing.

After grabbing food they walk out to the bench where Sungyeol and Sunggyu were earlier, "Sooo you want to know the feebled tale." Sungyeol says with a singsong voice.

"Are you prepared?"

"Yep."

Sungyeol takes a dramatic bite of his sandwich before talking, "Okay so it started when Sunggyu was 7, his parents organised a family suicide," Woohyun goes silent, he's confused but doesn't say anything.

"They had a lot of debt and didn't want to face their problems so," he chews his sandwich, "They drove to Sunggyu and his older sisters favourite beach,"

Woohyun interupts him, "Should you be telling me this?" Sungyeol shrugs, "Everyone knows, it's not exactly a secret."

Woohyun is speechless but as Sungyeol goes on he starts to feel disgusted, "His parents swam in deep with his sister, they tried to get Sunggyu to come but he couldn't swim. They held his sister under before drowning themselves. Sunggyu watched." 

Woohyun's eyes are wide and his knuckles are white from clenching his fists as Sungyeol goes on. "Sunggyu is now conpletely unstable and tries to kill himself alot, but I always stop him!" Sungyeol declares proudly with a smile.

"And how does everyone know this?" Woohyun demands, Sungyeol sighs, "A bunch of kids overheard his adoptive parents talking to the principal and they told everyone." He finished with a shake of his head. "But it's not really their fault I guess, a lot of them are raised badly, abused at home, and stuff like that, I mean my brother and I are orphans but that's not that bad." He says while finishing off his sandwich.

Woohyun looks horrified, "What is wrong with people at this school?" Sungyeol looks confused, "Nothing, we're all normal."

Woohyun is so speechless, these people are all so, troubled and he feels bad for complaining about his own problems, "And I thought I had it bad..." Sungyeol perks up.

"What's wrong with your family?" He asks with a smile. Woohyun sighs.

"My parents just aren't around much so I live with my older brother." Sungyeol furrows his eyebrows, "That's horrible!" Sungyeol looks genuinely upset and Woohyun just shakes his head.

"My problems are actually nothing, other peoples are clearly worse." 

Sungyeol just shrugs, "I dunno yours seems pretty upsetting, I'll need to tell your parents off.. plus most of us are so used to our problems that they feel like nothing, so we just treat them as such."

It's now Woohyun's turn to be confused, "Nothing? Yeolie, there is so much wrong and if you can't see it then something is wrong with you."

Sungyeol smiles and just shrugs, "I guess there's something wrong wirh everyone then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So these first 5 chaptersI kept short so you wouldn't get bored so maybe consider the first 5 the intro? But prepare thyself because I will be writing longer chapters. So please leave a comment if you like this and tell me what you think! <3


	6. I choose to be broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diving into what happens to people like Sunggyu and Sungyeol
> 
> Eg. They get help and stufd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourself because this is just information dump because I want some information to be known, I'll edit this in the future too so don't worry and I'm sorry for my cringey writing.
> 
> Enjoy <3

Sungyeol has a fear, his fear? Being alone. He's a naturally social person but things in the past haunt him to the point where he is terrified to be alone with his thoughts and memories.

So that's why everyday, rain or shine, without fail Sunggyu walks home with him. The whole day went relitively quickly and hassle free and now Sungyeol stands at the school doors waiting.

He pulls out his phone and starts scrolling through various things before hearing heavy panting in front if him, he looks up to see Sunggyu standing there slouched over with hands on his knees as he attempts to catch his breath.

"Sorry, did you, wait long?" He takes deep breaths inbetween each word and his face is flushed bright red, "Sunggyu you didn't have to run..." Sungyeol can't hide his joy at the fact Sunggyu, the man who never attempts any form of fitness, ran for him.

Sunggyu straightens his back and shrugs, "It was nothing, come on, remember we have our session with Ryeowook-hyung." Sunggyu reminds and Sungyeol nods with a smile, walking down the stairs and linking arms with Sunggyu.

"Let's go."

 

Ryeowook is practically a third parent for Sunggyu and Sungyeol, he knows them in and out and is one of their closest allies.

He's also the orphanage/fostercare home owner and a close friend of both Sunggyu's and Sungyeol's adoptive parents, Dongwoo, Heechul and Leeteuk.

 

Sunggyu remembers back when he would talk to Ryeowook almost every chance he could get, the relaxing feeling of having someone neutral there to listen. 

 

*

During Sunggyu's time at the orphange him and Sungyeol became close friends, practically inseparable (Sungyeol was quite clingy) and they would often talk with Ryeowook for hours on end.

Eventually after he went to the various foster homes (before finally being adopted by Dongwoo) he missed having those conversations and since he obviously needed a therapist Ryeowook went to university and got a degree.

Sungyeol was adopted only a few weeks before Sunggyu's first home and after barely seeing eachother for months they ended up missing eachother. And so they have thrice a week double therapy sessions.

*

 

As they walk Sunggyu just stares at the cars driving past longingly and Sungyeol has to slap his shoulder to keep him focused.

"Hyung not today, you're getting better..." Sunggyu scoffs at this before sighing, "Come on let's just get to the orphanage already."

As soon as they get there Sunggyu and Sungyeol are greeted with many tiny arms around them, they've grown quite close to the children here since they come and volunteer sometimes after school.

Sungjong wanders down the stares and when he sees his hyungs he smiles, "I'll go get my dad."

Sungjong is an interesting story, Ryeowook isn't his biological father, technically he's his uncle, but when Sungjong was three his mother died of a car accident leaving him behind. His biological father already wasn't in the picture so Ryeowook stepped up at took Sungjong in.

He's currently a first year at their school and has his own little group of friends, but he is still friends with Sungyeol and Sunggyu.

After disappearing for a few moments Sungjong reappears with Ryeowook in tow, Ryeowook has messy unkept hair, his glasses slipping down his nose and he looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. But as soon as he sees Sunggyu and Sungyeol his face brightens and he rushes down the stairs with open arms.

Sunggyu has the breath knocked out of him but Sungyeol is just grinning, "Hyung!" Sungyeol greets as his arms clasp tight around one side of Ryeowook while Sunggyu lightly hugs Ryeowook back.

Sungjong chuckles from halfway up the stairs before leading the children away and leaving the other three alone.

"How have you too been?" Ryeowook inquires, pushing his glasses up higher in his nose, Sunggyu shrugs, "Okay I guess?"

Ryeowook smiles at this before turning to Sungyeol, "And you?" 

Sungyeol's grin stretches wider across his face, "I've been good, and how about you?"

Ryeowook has told Sungyeol many times not to ask this question, something about creating the wrong atmosphere for a session but Sungyeol can't really help it.

"I'm good, shall we go upstairs and start our session? I have biscuits." He says the last sentence in a slight sing song voice and the others chuckle lightly before following him as he walks upstairs.

About 5 minutes into the session and Sungyeol has spilled everything, "-And so Sunggyu has a sort of friend and is really cute." Sunggyu has never been more humiliated in his life, well he has, but this is a close second to that one time he wet himself in forth grade.

Ryeowook is just smiling and giving Sunggyu a knowing smile, "So this Woohyun, do you think you may see yourself in a situation with him in your future?" Sunggyu shakes his head.

"Honestly I don't see any situation being my future, I guess I'm just hanging on to the illusion things might get better." Sunggyu sighs, Ryeowook nods and scribbles something down in his notebook.

"Now I'm not trying to criticise but recently I've noticed that one, Sungyeol you only talk about what's happening in Sunggyu's life and two, Sunggyu doesn't really talk about his feelings despite this being a therapy session so I have a small activity," Ryeowook starts explaining, he rips out two pages of notebook and hands it to each of them, "This piece of paper represents your inner turmoil, your deepest feelings, I want you to name a colour you think represents how you feel."

Sunggyu has his colour already, the one that seems to speak to him. Red.

Sungyeol has his, the one that gives him joy, a bright colour like him. Pink.

"Sunggyu, you're thinking red, and Sungyeol you're thinking pink. Now think about this, I know the both of you inside and out so unless you have no reason to be here, write down something that has been bothering you lately, because I know there's something."

Sunggyu rolls his eyes but writes down a few things when Ryeowook hands him a pen.

'I want to be dead'

 

Ryeowook shakes his head, "Sunggyu, I know it's hard, but you know how much other people love and need you, your job this week is to find two reasons why other people love you, quirks, traits, anything that makes you appealing.

Sungyeol hands his paper to Ryeowook with a smile, 'Nothing worries me'

"And Sungyeol, things bother you, you need to accept that, don't try to pretend everything is okay, because it's going to hurt more when you crash down. Your job is to find two things that make you upset, they can be little, or they can be big, just be honest with yourself."

They talk for about 10-20 more minutes but it's mainly Sungyeol rambling on and Sunggyu thinking. Which is what the sessions normally are.

As they walk home Sunggyu doesn't even realise what's happening until Sungyeol squeals at him. Sunggyu tried to jump in front of a car but Sungyeol was attached to his side.

"Gyuuuu! Don't." Sungyeol whines, Sunggyu mumbles an apology and gives Sungyeol a small hug, Sungyeol just pouts.

"Do you want to do the thing?"

Sunggyu's face lights up and he nods, "Please."

They sit in the park swinging back on forth of the pair of swings, Sunggyu has a twinkle in his eyes and Sungyeol is laughing.

"All those kids would feel horrible, right?" Sunggyu asks excitedly and Sungyeol nods, "We could do it in front of them, or just have a really spiteful suicide note."

 

Sunggyu's favourite pasttime. Planning his suicide.


	7. I'll be fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunggyu is too selfless that it becomes self-hatred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not completely happy with this chapter but enjoy nonetheless 
> 
> <3

Sunggyu is both impulsive yet a planner, he acts on instincts but also plans for the future for example, he spontaneously tries to kill himself but he also plans ahead with other attempts.

Sungyeol would never actually kill himself, Sunggyu tries not to be selfish when it comes to these things and he was surprised enough when Sungyeol would offer to talk about it with him.

For him the future is dark, so far the only place he can picture himself in is in a grave, or cremented, he hasn't fully decided yet.

To others it may seem daunting but Sunggyu craves that sense of control, being able to decide when and how he dies, it's addictive.

But as he sits at home he's subjected to yet another lecture from his father, after his stunt earlier that day Dongwoo is obviously upset, "Sunggyu, you, you can't just do that, not out of the blue, not ever actually, just, I love you so much and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you..." Dongwoo is in tears at this point, crying out and clinging to Sunggyu.

Sunggyu tries to ignore the gnawing pain of guilt as he recalls how happy Dongwoo has been the past few weeks, he's found himself a boyfriend and he's as happy as happy can be, yes Sunggyu does try to kill himself a lot and Dongwoo can usually handle it, but today was his breaking point.

He doesn't know what he's supposed to say, he realises that not much can even be said in this situation, so he just lets Dongwoo cry as he tries to ignore the burning tears of frustration and guilt welling in his eyes.

They don't talk much after that, neither of them are upset though, they have dinner, do some chores before they each retreat.

Once he's in his room he just slumps down against the door, he can't help being this way, of course he hates it, constantly causing the people he loves pain. But he's selfish.

He stays on the floor for a while, mainly crying and dwelling in his own self loathing, when he stands up on his wobbling legs he just flops down onto his bed, sinking into the sheets with sigh.

His mind wanders back to the events of today, Woohyun, he tests the name on his tongue a few times before smiling, before frowning upon becoming confused as to why he's smiling. Truth be told, as much as he denies it, he wants someone to chase him, he wants someone to fight for him, he wants someone to fix him.

And even though he will never admit it, his dream had a certain boy in it.

 

 

The next morning Sunggyu is exhausted, his eyes have dark grey bags and his skin is pale and placid. He looks dead.

He hopes a shower will do something and he turns the knobs before stripping and climbing in.

He likes showering, it's relaxing and it just melts the stress off his shoulders, although as soon as he steps out they're straight back on him, he looks into the mirror, his eyes were never anything but plain, everything about him is plain.

He's learning to live with himself no matter how much he hates it.

Sunggyu dresses relitively quick, buttoning up his uniform while he slips his feet into the black dress shoes.

He grabs his phone off charge and hoists his bag over one shoulder before walking out of his room, Dongwoo is in the kitchen cleaning a few dishes, "Morning my sunshine!" He calls out as he somehow sensed Sunggyu's presence.

 

Sunggyu rolls his eyes but replies anyway, "Good, how are you my ball of burning heat in the sky?" Dongwoo always laughs extra hard at Sunggyu's small and sarcastic comments like those because any reply is better than no reply.

Dongwoo drains the sink and shakes his hands a few times before rubbing them dry on his tshirt.

Dongwoo has a plate of toast with a few pieces of bacon on top and slides it over to Sunggyu, "Eat my child." Sunggyu rolls his eyes for the 40th time that day, "Yes boss."

 

Dongwoo always walks with Sunggyu to school, even if he's busy, without fail he'll clear his schedule for Sunggyu.

As they walk Dongwoo tries to start several conversations which Sunggyu ends with short answers. He can tell by the disappointment in Dongwoo's voice that he really wanted to talk so reluctantly he brings up a few things.

"So there's a new kid-"

"WHAT'S HIS NAME? IS HE CUTE? IS HE NICE?" Dongwoo practically shouts back as the excitement cleary haims his voice.

Sunggyu rolls his eyes, "His name is Woohyun, he's alright, yes he's nice and he's in my homeroom." Dongwoo seems satisfied with Sunggyu's answer and looks back up at his son with a mischievious glint in his eyes.

"Is this the same Woohyun who's name you kept saying in your room?" Sunggyu's face turns bright red and he gapes his mouth like a fish, "I, I, shutup." He mumbles, obviously defeated.

Dongwoo just smiles knowingly, "Sunggyu, just remember it's okay to open up to people, you act like it's a sin, but it's okay to want other people in your life."

Sunggyu sighs, "I guess, but even if he wants to be my friend I don't think he's mentally prepared for all the baggage I come with, it's probably better to end the friendship here before it excalates and someone gets hurt."

Dongwoo shakes his head, "Gyu that's a bad way to think, you'll be the one to get hurt in the end, you always are and you shouldn't be okay with that. I want the best for you as well."

Sunggyu bites his lip before answering with, "Yeah but, I prefer I get hurt by other than for me to hurt others..." Dongwoo is already ruffling his hair at this.

"Just, your happiness matters too, remember that."

"I'll be fine."


End file.
